3 Step Method to Teaching Toddlers to Share
Hose water spraying, children giggling, sun shining – sounds like the perfect summer moment, right?
I say this a lot, but the simplest activities are often the most meaningful for the littlest kids. Pull out your hose, turn it on, and let your children play.
I did this first when our kids were about 13 months old. They loved to splash the water, hold the hose, pull it, and drink from the hose. It is a wet, splashy good time until it’s not.
“MINE!”
“NO! It’s MY turn!”
Two seconds of happy summer moment perfection and then they would start screaming at each other.
As you probably know if you’ve spent any time at all with toddlers, they are not good at sharing. This is 100% normal. Toddlers are too centered on themselves (exactly what they should be centered on at two) to think about someone else.
Put plainly, toddlers suck at sharing and this is okay.
With some practice and gentle guidance and time, they will learn, promise! But for the most part with toddlers I avoided too many of these screaming matches by having two of everything.
Unfortunately, with the hose there is one hose and two kids. So a lesson in sharing begins….
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3 Tips for Teaching Toddlers to Share
Teaching infants and toddlers to share seems to be on the forefront of the minds of parents and teachers. Sharing is good. We want our children to get along with others. We want our children to be kind and thoughtful.
However, as I said, developmentally toddlers are not ready to do much sharing. This is normal. It is okay.
I repeat. It is okay.
Until they are more ready, there are some ways to help reduce conflicts and begin looking at someone else’s perspective.
Tip #1: Consider what actually needs to be shared
Everyone has things that they don’t share. Yes, even you generous, all giving mama.
There are things that belong only to you. They are probably a lot more rare these days, but I bet you can think of at least one thing. My wedding ring, my pillow, my favorite pajama pants come to mind.
For everyone these are different, but all adults have something that they do not share. We should respect this right to privacy for our children as well.
Children should be allowed some things that they do not have to share. We have twins and I believe that for them this is especially important that they have their separate, unique property. Beyond these few items, most things should be shared at some point.
Tip #2: Teach Language for Sharing Conflicts
The rest of the things in our home (or classroom when I was teaching) are shared belongings. The super cool things or new things – like a hose apparently or when we first got our Magna-Tiles often cause conflicts.
Generally, when a conflict over an item arises someone had it first. Let’s call them Toddler A. I usually give Toddler B, the child who wants the items two options. Toddler B can find something else to play with (if there is a similar or identical item now is a great time to point it out) or ask if they can use it. Typically, they want to ask.
When they want a turn with something, now is a great time to teach them language to use.
First, I offer Toddler B the phrase “Can I use that?” Generally the answer is No. In that case, because No is an okay answer to a questions, there is a second option.
Second, Toddler B can tell Toddler A, “I want to be next.” This does not mean that the Toddler A needs to rush, merely it respects that they are using it, but when they are done they should give it to the child who wants to be next. Toddler attention spans are quite short and typically they loose interest in an item within moments and the other child can have a turn.
At first, your toddler(s) might be disappointed (ie. throw a tantrum) that they do not immediately get to use something, but they will catch on. Help them by offering to do something else with them or pointing out two other fun things they could try.
If (haha I know – when) they melt on the floor in tears, say calmly and kindly “You feel really sad because it isn’t your turn with the hose”.
Stay near and offer comfort if that is helpful to your child. If they seem to prefer space, you can remind them that you are nearby if they need you and give them the space to calm down.
When Toddler A is done playing with the hose, I encourage them to give it to their playmate or at least say “I’m done. It’s your turn now”. As with everything, this gets easier and more natural with practice and age.
My twins were about three by the time they had this mostly mastered – but again, toddlers are terrible at sharing.
Want More Toddler Tips? LEARN MORE
Tip #3: Navigating Special Circumstances
In very rare circumstances, there is something that children are going to want endlessly. The hose is one of those things for us. My son will happily play with the hose until the sun sets and we must go inside. My daughter would never get a chance.
In these situations, I use a timer.
Usually I just use the timer on my phone. Toddlers do not get the concept of time, but they do understand a statement such as, “When the duck quacks it will be the next person’s turn.” Perhaps I should clarify that they help me pick the alarm sound on my phone – duck quaking and dog barking being their favorites.
I do this rarely, but this is my backup sharing technique.
So back to those screaming “MINE”s in the backyard. I walked closer, got down, held the hose and we talked about turns. We figured out who would go first and then what the other one would do while they waited. This time I got away without the timer.
Soon he was back to “watering” our bush and she toddled off to play in the water table.
Perfect summer moment re-acquired.
