Hose water spraying, children giggling, sun shining – sounds like the perfect summer moment, right?

I say this a lot, but the simplest activities are often the most meaningful for the littlest kids. Pull out your hose, turn it on, and let your children play.

I did this first when our kids were about 13 months old. They loved to splash the water, hold the hose, pull it, and drink from the hose. It is a wet, splashy good time until it’s not.

“MINE!”

“NO! It’s MY turn!”

Two seconds of happy summer moment perfection and then they would start screaming at each other.

As you probably know if you’ve spent any time at all with toddlers, they are not good at sharing. This is 100% normal. Toddlers are too centered on themselves (exactly what they should be centered on at two) to think about someone else.

Put plainly, toddlers suck at sharing and this is okay. 

With some practice and gentle guidance and time, they will learn, promise! But for the most part with toddlers I avoided too many of these screaming matches by having two of everything.

Unfortunately, with the hose there is one hose and two kids. So a lesson in sharing begins….

affiliate links are included below

3 Tips for Teaching Toddlers to Share

Teaching infants and toddlers to share seems to be on the forefront of the minds of parents and teachers. Sharing is good. We want our children to get along with others. We want our children to be kind and thoughtful.

However, as I said, developmentally toddlers are not ready to do much sharing. This is normal. It is okay.

I repeat. It is okay.

Until they are more ready, there are some ways to help reduce conflicts and begin looking at someone else’s perspective.

Tip #1: Consider what actually needs to be shared

Everyone has things that they don’t share. Yes, even you generous, all giving mama.

There are things that belong only to you. They are probably a lot more rare these days, but I bet you can think of at least one thing. My wedding ring, my pillow, my favorite pajama pants come to mind.

For everyone these are different, but all adults have something that they do not share. We should respect this right to privacy for our children as well.

Children should be allowed some things that they do not have to share. We have twins and I believe that for them this is especially important that they have their separate, unique property. Beyond these few items, most things should be shared at some point.

Tip #2: Teach Language for Sharing Conflicts

The rest of the things in our home (or classroom when I was teaching) are shared belongings. The super cool things or new things – like a hose apparently or when we first got our Magna-Tiles often cause conflicts.

Generally, when a conflict over an item arises someone had it first. Let’s call them Toddler A. I usually give Toddler B, the child who wants the items two options. Toddler B can find something else to play with (if there is a similar or identical item now is a great time to point it out) or ask if they can use it. Typically, they want to ask.

When they want a turn with something, now is a great time to teach them language to use.

First, I offer Toddler B the phrase “Can I use that?” Generally the answer is No. In that case, because No is an okay answer to a questions, there is a second option.

Second, Toddler B can tell Toddler A, “I want to be next.” This does not mean that the Toddler A needs to rush, merely it respects that they are using it, but when they are done they should give it to the child who wants to be next. Toddler attention spans are quite short and typically they loose interest in an item within moments and the other child can have a turn.

At first, your toddler(s) might be disappointed (ie. throw a tantrum) that they do not immediately get to use something, but they will catch on. Help them by offering to do something else with them or pointing out two other fun things they could try.

If (haha I know – when) they melt on the floor in tears, say calmly and kindly “You feel really sad because it isn’t your turn with the hose”.

Stay near and offer comfort if that is helpful to your child. If they seem to prefer space, you can remind them that you are nearby if they need you and give them the space to calm down.

When Toddler A is done playing with the hose, I encourage them to give it to their playmate or at least say “I’m done. It’s your turn now”. As with everything, this gets easier and more natural with practice and age.

My twins were about three by the time they had this mostly mastered – but again, toddlers are terrible at sharing.

 Want More Toddler Tips? LEARN MORE

Tip #3: Navigating Special Circumstances

In very rare circumstances, there is something that children are going to want endlessly. The hose is one of those things for us. My son will happily play with the hose until the sun sets and we must go inside. My daughter would never get a chance.

In these situations, I use a timer.

Usually I just use the timer on my phone. Toddlers do not get the concept of time, but they do understand a statement such as, “When the duck quacks it will be the next person’s turn.” Perhaps I should clarify that they help me pick the alarm sound on my phone – duck quaking and dog barking being their favorites.

I do this rarely, but this is my backup sharing technique.

So back to those screaming “MINE”s in the backyard. I walked closer, got down, held the hose and we talked about turns. We figured out who would go first and then what the other one would do while they waited. This time I got away without the timer.

Soon he was back to “watering” our bush and she toddled off to play in the water table.

Perfect summer moment re-acquired.

Click for 26+ A-Z Toddler Ideas

When my twins were about 6 months old I braved the grocery store for the first time by myself with both of them.

It did not go well.

60 minutes later I left the store with half of our list completed, two less socks than we started with, and 2 of the 3 of us crying.

My mistake?

Well aside from trying to grocery shop with two infants, I made a lot of mistakes.

Fortunately I eventually learned. I learned to time our shopping trips. I learned how to make myself as prepared as possible. Later when they were older, I even learned how to involve them in our trips.

find all life with twins posts here

Does the idea of the grocery store with kids kind of make you want to go hide in the bathroom?

Then this is for you. These tips will prepare you for that inevitable day when you load the kids up in your grocery cart, cross your fingers for smiles, and start pushing quickly towards the frozen foods section.

It also might help make the grocery store feel less like a chore and more like a little walk or adventure.

affiliate links may be included below.

How to Survive the Grocery Store with Kids

Let’s start with the general musts.

General Tips:

1. Time trips for when everyone, including mom, is well rested and fed
2. Have a list
3. Make a list in the general order of your store. This will save time and increase your odds of escaping the store with out a meltdown

Grocery Shopping with Babies

With babies, I recommend using a baby carrier or a stroller for grocery shopping – whichever they generally prefer.

I shopped with my twins in their double stroller for almost 3 years before they graduated to using the car carts at the grocery store. Our undercarriage area would hold an entire week’s worth of groceries and they were generally happy in their stroller seats.

Now for the fun part. Once your kid or kids get beyond the infancy stage they can start participating and little by little you mold tiny shoppers that are eventually super helpful.

As a bonus, helpful shoppers also usually equal happy shoppers.

CLICK TO LEARN MORE

How Can They Help – By Age

Tiny Toddlers and Up:

• can help put fruit and veggies in bags and count with you for a little number practice.
• will enjoy holding things that you pull off the shelf. Limit this to non-breakable items and those not in a plastic bag.
• but otherwise, allow your child to hold a heavy can or shake the box of cereal. Our rule is that when they are done they should hand it to mom and say “all done!” and I am in charge of putting it in the cart.
• will feel more involved if you talk to them, read the list, and invite them to help you look for things. Ex: “We’re looking for ketchup…do you see a red bottle anywhere?”

Twos & Up:

• will be interested in helping to make the list beforehand. During breakfast, sit down with your list and pen and include them. “What would you like to eat this week?” “What kinds of fruit should we put on the list?”
• mention these things to them as you search at the store and put them in the cart and state that it was their “helpful idea”
• can use their own shopping carts at stores such as Trader Joes and Kowalski’s. This is best done with a smaller list. Discuss beforehand any rules, ex. stay near mom. walk when you push the cart. Note: with twins we either did this one on one, or we got one kiddie cart and they took turns. One got to push it down the aisle and the other got to put stuff in and then they’d trade on the next aisle. 
• At home, kids this age also start to enjoy playing “grocery store” at home too.

Preschoolers:

• can do everything above, PLUS
• can be given their own mini-shopping lists with pictures and words to reference and help find things in the store. This will take a little work on your part, but the list can include things you buy every week like milk, yogurt, bread and therefore be reprinted and reused week after week.

Get your copy of little walks big adventures today!

“It just never gets any easier does it?” my husband commented to me the other day.

One of our twins was having a meltdown about taking a shower – because obviously it is the absolute end of the world to not be stinky and covered in dirt.

The other one was near tears after struggling through their homework for over an hour. (Parents whose kids don’t naturally do well in school – I feel your pain and theirs. It’s so hard.)

My husband who had been helping with reading walked back into the kitchen with this defeated remark.

“Nope.” was my reply. “It changes but it never gets easier.”

affiliate links may be included

I’m sorry. If you’re holding out hope that parenting will at some point get easy. I don’t think there’s an easy part coming.

I could tell you know about how much I love my kids – because of course I do. And I could tell you that it goes too fast and you’ll miss thing you didn’t realize you would – because yeah that’s true too.

Instead, I think it’s important to just state it: parenting doesn’t get easy.

Here’s the thing about kids though – whatever is annoying you now? That will pass.

My mom spent most of my childhood repeating two mantras to me:

One was “Patience is a virtue.” (Sorry Mom, I’m still failing on that count.)

The other was “This too shall pass.” At the time I thought she was talking to me but now I’m not sure. Sometimes at least I think she was reminding herself. Regardless, I repeat it to myself often now.

Diapers don’t last forever.

Sweeping every time they eat will end too – or so I’m told, we aren’t there yet.

Some day they’ll move out and some quiet will return too.

also read: How to survive the first 3 years with twins

But just like everything in life there is good and bad about every age and while yes, it will pass – don’t wish this time away.

If you spend all of your days waiting for the hard bits to pass you miss the good.

In our house, the diapers are finally gone but now my kids cannot seem to remember to flush the toilet. Ever.

My kids make their own lunches but the result is a kitchen in utter chaos and me trying very hard not to yell “please close the refrigerator!”

My kids can tell me what’s wrong now, but they also tell me absolutely everything that is on their minds from 7 am until 7 pm.

My twins are not easy at 6, but it’s a different hard than 6 months.

It’s more of a mental exhaustion instead of a physical one. It’s much more chatty but there is less crying. It’s more letting go and a lot more worrying.

However, just like babies smell great, learn awesome things like how to suck their toes, and are adorable when they sleep – 6 year olds have good parts too.

CLICK TO LEARN MORE

And I guess for me that is the point. Easy isn’t coming. Easy parenting isn’t a thing. Raising a person was never intended to be a simple or brief task.

Stop waiting for the easy. 

The bad things – they will pass. I promise they will eventually sleep. They will eventually learn to use the bathroom. They will eventually feed themselves and do some things without destroying your house.

I’m pretty sure mine will eventually master reading, learn to flush, and remember to close the refrigerator door.

But instead of waiting for those things to get easy, I’m enjoying the things that already are. I’m enjoying the moments when they learn a new word. I’m enjoying when they laugh at my jokes. I’m enjoying the moments when I get it right or when they do.

In between the mess and chaos and the noise there is good at any age. It’s not easy, but it’s life and it’s good.

Subscribe Below for Weekly Posts

“I need to get out of the house.”

A couple weeks into my maternity leave with twins and I had reached the point where I needed some fresh air.

But where?

How?

I remember pondering this second question in particular as my twins lay snoozing on their breastfriend pillow.

How on earth was I going to get these two babies out of the house?

affiliate links may be included below.

I could see the plusses.

1. My sanity.
2. Little ones are incredibly portable once you figure out the logistics. I think the unpredictable schedules of newborns and the mountains of newborn essentials make leaving the comforts of your home daunting. For me, however, getting out of the house did so much for my spirits and sense of normalcy. And once we were out, they were typically content or asleep as long as we were moving. These mini-escapes broke up the day and quite simply helped me feel like a person, not just a nursing machine.

Read also: How to survive the first 3 years with twins

But how?

After a while I figured it out and there are definitely some things that make it easier.

Timing

It is super hard to predict what a little one is going to need and when. (This gets easier with time!)

For newborns, once your baby is fed and changed, get them in the car seat and GO!

NOTE: This means you have to have your diaper bag ready to go before you start feeding them (or have a handy helper) so that once they are in that magical happy fed, clean diaper stage you can take advantage.

What to Bring

There are two schools of thought on this.

As the mom, I tend to pack for all possible eventualities.

My husband on the other hand is more of a wing it – there’s always a store nearby – kind of guy.

If you are more his speed, you with have a lighter diaper bag with a bottle, milk or formula, diapers, wipes.

If you are more my speed, listed below is what I had in our diaper bag at all times (I have adjusted the amounts to reflect what ONE child needs. We obviously doubled everything).

NOTE: Depending on the specific needs of a season (say adding sunscreen for summer time) or a specific outing (swim suits and towels for the beach) I might add things to the bag, but for an average trip to the store or story time at the library this bag covers your general bases.

Infant Diaper Bag Essentials:

• 2 Diapers (we used these cloth ones)
• Wet Bag or Gallon Sized Ziplock Bag  (for dirty diapers and/or soiled clothes)
• Diaper Cream
• Diaper Wipes
• Hand Sanitizer (We loved this sanitizer/lotion)
• Diaper Changing Mat (ours came with the diaper bag)
• 2 Changes of Clothing (make sure it is a full change – socks included)
• Change of Shirt for Mom
• Nursing Cover (if not nursing, bottles and formula would be substituted here)
• Nursing Pads for Mom
• Small Container of Cheerios or other finger food (once you get to this stage)
• Snack + Water Bottle for Mom (especially if nursing)
• 2 Small Toys and/or Books (these were rotated occasionally and mostly used for periods of waiting)
• Nuk (we had one pacifier user and one thumb sucker)
• Wallet
• Keys
• Cellphone

Expectations

Expect that you will be late. Expect that your newborn(s) will want to nurse at the least convenient moment. Expect that someone is going to need a change of clothing.

Expect that you will somehow survive any and all challenges and you and your babies will make it home in one piece.

read also: 5 baby products new twin moms need + 1 to skip

Where to Go

So you pre-packed your diaper bag. You’ve got the fed, sleepy babies. You are ready to load them up and get outside, but where can you go with a newborn or two?

1. Neighborhood Walk. This is a great starting place. Every day for the 3 months of my maternity leave, I snuggled our newborns in their stroller and took a walk. I had a c-section so at first our “walk” was a slow (read: snails zooming past me pace) walk around our block, but by the end of the 3 months we were regularly making it 1 1/2 – 2 miles. 
2. Park or Trail. Is there a park or trail near your house? This is a great second step outing. Stroll out and back.
3. Lake or Boardwalk. We were in Minnesota when our twins were born so lakes were an easy find. Such a pretty place to push and walk. The tricky part with this was the distance. I would feed the babies, drive them to the lake, wait for them to wake up (bring a book or audiobook to listen to), feed them again and then we’d walk. Tedious, but worth it to me.
4. Snack and Stroll. If you know other friends home during the day or on maternity leave, meet them for a coffee or snack and then stroll together.
5. Zoo. Especially during the week I loved walking around the zoo. Zoos are stroller friendly and less busy during the week. They are a nice change of scenery from houses.
6. Art Museum. This is the same logic as the zoo. Strollers fit. Babies will sleep if you’re pushing them. The scenery is pleasant and different. Bonus – you might be able to talk someone else into strolling around with you.

For more walk ideas and other adventures for toddlers, check out my book Little Walks Big Adventures!

“That looks like a second heartbeat.” Those are life changing words.

In my experience, if you have heard these words you will react in one of two ways. Delight, followed by some panic, or simply panic.

Two babies? One baby is a lot, right? Just ask any parent of a newborn and they will nod their tired head at you.

The idea of having two babies at once is difficult to imagine. It is, however, completely do-able. In a few years you will likely even find yourself thinking that this was the best possible thing to have happen.

Right now you are panicked by the idea of twins.

You have to buy double of everything. You have to contemplate how to carry two babies, feed two babies, send two babies to college…You can very quickly get overwhelmed.

Before you start plotting an addition to your house and buying a mini-van, take a breath.

“Enjoy it! I cried when I found out I was expecting twins. My mum had twins when I was 12 so I knew they were hard work. The truth is, they are more hard work than just one (doh! there are two of them!) But they are great fun and so cute together. It’s an awesome ride. There’s no going back so enjoy it!”
Orlena Kerek. Twin Mom. Blogger at Snotty Noses

“It’s going to be great. You can’t even imagine how awesome it is going to be to watch your twins run around and play together, lay and whisper together, come up with surprises for you together…
It’s going to be hard, but it will get easier and easier and easier.”
Adrienne Danielson. Mom to Twin 5 year olds.

Focus on those first few years.

The first few years with twins are a little like boot camp. This is maybe not the optimism that you were looking for, but it is honest. The optimism is this: you will survive boot camp.

You can get through those first few years and I know exactly how to get you there.

Like millions of twin parents before me, I am on the other side. My twins are four and a half right now. They are energetic, they are busy, and they are currently in their room bouncing on their beds boycotting laundry folding, but they are delightful.

The advantages to having twins are huge if you were planning to have more kids.

You get two with one try. They have a playmate. It is easier to plan a vacation, buy toys, and plan a schedule around two kids at the same age rather than two of differing stages.

What about if I wasn’t planning to have more? This one was supposed to be my only or be my last? I still say that twins are awesome.

Your twin has a playmate. This will in the end be far less work for you. The bond between twins is fascinating and fun to watch. This might not be what you planned, but it will be good. You just need to get through that first year and a half.

So, how do you do that?

Below are my simple guidelines, along with amazing advice from some fellow twin mamas. They will take work to implement (remember the boot camp reference) but they will carry you through to the other side. The magical point when your kids will scamper off to play together and you will drink a cup of tea. I did that for like a whole 10 minutes this morning. It will happen for you too.

“Get as much rest as you can and take care of yourself – a twin pregnancy is hard work! Twins are awesome, don’t be scared.”
-Laura Rizer. Twin Mom. Blogger at Sunny Day Family

Attack Parenting as a Team

Everyone always talks about twin moms. If you are a single mom you are officially being elevated to super woman status and I highly recommend reinforcing a support system. If not, get your partner on board with double teaming your twins.

This can mean a lot of different things, but starting with your relationship is key to surviving life with twins.

Then arrange more help. Some people want help with the babies. Some people want help with the house. Some people need help with meals.

Whatever that means for you, try to arrange help before the babies come. For me, some to bring me dinner and someone to occassionally watch the kids is what I needed the most.

“Enlist help now! Who will be with you in the beginning? It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a metropolist to raise twins!
Erica McCool, Mom to twin 15 month olds.

Expect the Unexpected

From the moments that second unexpected heartbeat pops up on the monitor life with twins is never dull. Surprises are a part of parenting but you seem to find yourself in uncharted waters more frequently with twins.

Your pregnancy will be different than others you have had or the ones you read about in books. Their birth is not likely to follow your birth plan. Bedrest, NICUs, preemies…these are all frequent words in the multiples world.

This is scary, but I share this not to scare you but to just point out the extraordinary surprises that go along with being a twin parent. Even as toddlers and beyond, life with twins deviates from singleton parenting. It is often unexpected. Most of this is truly in the best way possible.

“Twins can be the most tiring and awesome experience you will ever have. Be prepared to spend the first 3 years of their life answering the question “Are they natural?” Come up with your own sarcastic answer and own it (My go to: No, they are robots, aren’t they lifelike?”). If your twins are identical choose a method to know who is who until you can tell them apart (we chose specific colors for our boys). Find the parenting/feeding style that works for you. For us we set a schedule, and it was a lifesaver, but find what works for you and don’t be afraid to keep with it.”
Ticia Messing. Twin Mom. Blogger at Adventures in Mommydom

Get Them on a Schedule

The need for a schedule cannot be emphasized enough.

I am sure that there are some parents that manage to parent twins without a schedule, but I have no idea how.

Get those babies on a schedule. Get them sleeping at the same time, eating at the same time, playing at the same time and you have hope. You have a chance of eating and even getting some sleep.

This takes work. HARD work. The first few months it will seem impossible, but push through that and you will be so glad you did.

“Put them on a schedule as soon as possible. When one is hungry feed them both. When they are a few months old they will be ready to be coaxed into napping on the same schedule as well.”
Adrienne Danielson. Mom of twin five year olds.

Buy Smart

Start with a good double stroller. I used a stroller considerably more than my friends with one baby who could carry them into a building on their hip. Buy one that will last and is easy to fold and push.

Then consider the other things you will need. This might be less than you think, but there will be some things you need in double. Here is my list of twin essentials.

Our number one rule when purchasing things for our twins was to think long term.

Buy convertible car seats. Buy high chairs that grow into toddler chairs. Buy cribs that convert into twin beds. Think ahead and you will save yourself money in the long run.

“Invest in the Step2 Choo Choo Wagon, Britax Convertible Cars Seats, Magna-tiles, a ring sling, and a mei tai carrier, you won’t regret it.”
-Kristen Stehli. Mom of 7 Year old twins. Blogger at Epic Childhood

“Get a car seat/stroller system that you can lift and maneuver easily. This is different for everyone. Side by side works for me, while my cousin with twins swears by tandem. Try them out in the store and buy what works for you otherwise you will never want to leave the house. AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE.”
Erica McCool. Mom of 15 month old twins.

Take Care of You

I think this is important advice for all pregnant and new moms, but it definitely applies to twin moms.

Take time for yourself.

Make rest during your pregnancy a priority. Once the babies come, find a way to take a break. Have two friends over to hold your babies for an hour or two. Take a moment to quickly shower, drink a cup of coffee, or whatever it is you need to feel somewhat human.

An exhausted parent is no good to anyone.

“Twins are truly remarkable but you will have days when you have no idea who is who and if you will ever get a shower. My advice is to fill your freezer with things you can eat with one hand. Muffins, mini meatloaves, banana bread etc. Start compiling a list of people will come over and truly help. You will need extra hands for so many things. Schedule them in now because they will be your saving grace. And, get out when they are babies and don’t move – dinners, shopping, short trips – they are great little travel companions and getting out of the house provides stimulation for them and you! And when people ask if they are twins, declare it was a 2 for 1 sale!” 
Kerrie Mendoza. Twin Mama. Blogger at Family Food and Travel

Trust Your Instincts

It is normal for parenting to feel overwhelming. Whether you are having two kids, five kids or 15 kids, parenting is hard work.

There is no one right way to do this. There is no one perfect magic way to make children behave or produce happy off spring.

There are a million ways to do this right and only you know your kids. Only you can decide what is best for your children. I’m giving a lot of advice here and you will get countless more suggestions over the years, but you are the parent. Do what feels right. Follow your gut and it will all be okay.

“Don’t get too caught up in what books say or other people’s advice, you are still a mother and you will have a motherly instinct just like everyone else. Twins are hard work, but the first time you witness your babies giggling together or holding hands you will quickly realize what an amazing gift you were given.” 
-Meredith Magee Donnelly. Twin Mom. Blogger at Homegrown Friends

“Don’t beat yourself up when things don’t go how you think they should. They will be fine even if you never make it to one “Mommy and Me” class with them.”
-Adrienne Danielson, Mom of 5 year old twins

  “You may need a c-section and you may not be able to exclusively breastfeed your twins. Come to terms with it now. I was stoked to have a vaginal delivery and pretty upset when nursing didn’t work out. MOVE ON! Do what works for you and babies…Get Amazon Prime if you don’t already have it…Your heart will ALWAYS be fuller than your hands. My twins have taught me to chill out and not sweat the small stuff. Today they learned to march and kick while dancing to Christmas music. Last year at this time I didn’t know my name! It goes quickly and twins are a unique joy for only the luckiest of moms!!!
Erica McCool, Mom of 15 month old twins.

Subscribe Below for Weekly Posts

I remember one of the first long days as a twin mom after my husband went back to work. My two week old twins and I spent most of it on the squishy couch in the living room wedged on the nursing pillow. My daughter was refusing to nurse, my son was refusing to sleep, and I was sticky, stinky, and incredibly sleepy.

Then my husband walked in the door and all three of us perked up.

Parenting is hard. Parenting newborn twins is really hard.

Newborns are needy. Even the easiest babies still need you for everything. They need you to feed them, change them, carry them from point to point, help them sleep, bathe them.

Parenting twins means caring for two extremely needy little ones. The high rates of prematurity among infants means that you are often dealing with more challenging infants who are not quite prepared to be out in the world and would much prefer to be in the dark comfort of the womb for a bit longer.

I do not say any of this to scare you. I promise it is doable.

I say this to set the stage for what is to come. It is hard. But together you can do it.

The together part is important.

Single parents in general, but single parents of multiples are super heroes in my book.

The teamwork aspect of parenting was crucial to our survival during the first few months and beyond. Below are some of the ways that we prepared for and supported one another in the first few years of our parenting adventure. If you enter parenting with the idea that you are in this together and have each other’s backs, I promise it is not only doable, but ultimately enjoyable.

Here are the 6 main ways we work together to parent our multiples. Hopefully our experiences are helpful regardless of whether you are parenting one or a whole crew.

Updated from Original Post Shared May 2014

6 Steps to Become a Parenting Team

1. Communication

We talk A LOT.

We had been together for 11 years (married for 5) when we had our twins. Communication did not come easy to us at first, but we learned that in order for us to work we had to talk. We had to talk about the every day things, the things that bothered us, and how we were going to make things work.

When we found out we were pregnant we talked some more.

The topics and results of those conversations are not super important. For one thing, they almost immediately changed upon having our twins. And two, they are unique to each couple. What is important to you is different than what is important to anyone else, but knowing and labeling those things is important. We knew what our main goals were from the start and that guided us in the hazy beginning.

Post-baby arrival day, we continue to talk.

We talk about the cute things they are doing and how they are challenging us. We talk about what is NOT working and brainstorm together things to do differently. Even though I am home with our kids 11+ hours by myself, most of our decisions are made together and the ones that I make on my own I do my best to talk to him about so we are on the same page. This leads perfectly to item #2.

2. United Front

This one I credit my parents for. My parents were obnoxiously on the same page at all times. They made decisions together, they knew what the other one had told us, and they agreed with each other. It was a pain.

However, it is now one of my guiding philosophies.

One of the most commonly heard phrases in our house right now is, “I agree with Dad/Mom”. We do our very best to support one another and their decisions in front of our children. Later, when we are away from them we can debate and disagree, but in front of our kids, we agree.

We are a united front.

3. Night Time Feedings

All of our sleep decisions primarily followed the advice in this book.

Our babies were both breast and bottle fed from day 1, which made this a little easier. After the first hazy week that I remember extremely small blurry moments of, we began this plan that served us well for the first 6 months. We split the night in half. One of us did all feeding before 2am. The other did all feedings after. This generally worked out evenly.

You may have to play around with where your magical dividing time is. This meant, that aside from me pumping at first and eventually from a brief awakening when they cried out, we each got about 6 hours of sleep.

Life saving.

Once our infants were consistently down to just one feeding, usually around 2am, we changed to alternating nights. We do this still. It is your night until you have to get up with someone. Then it is the next person’s night.

Of course there are exceptions, like that night both kids were vomiting – it was a two person job, or if one of us is sick or getting up super early it isn’t their turn.

Being a team means that you are supportive and fair. Not always perfectly even.

4. Regular Dates

We are absolutely that dorky annoying couple that goes out every month.

We were probably annoyingly cutesy before we had kids. We have always celebrated our monthly anniversaries with a night out. Usually nothing fancy, but just a dedicated night for the two of us. We have done this for 16 years now, but it has grown even more important since having our children. With only about 3 exceptions, we have gone out every month.

This is time for us to be us. Not mom and dad. I know this is common advice, but to me it is one of the most important parts. When our little loves grow up they will leave around the same time and we need to still have an us.

5. Break Nights

In addition to dates, we also give each other “break nights.”

We each get two evenings a month that are on the calendar as “me time.” This means different things to each of us, but it is guaranteed time where we don’t participate in the chaos that is dinner/bath/bed time.

We get other breaks. Mornings to sleep in, nights out with friends, book club, whatever – but these are separate times on the calendar. However you choose to do it, giving each other a break is important.

For me it is usually quiet time to myself. Time to just be me for a few hours.

6. Managing and Changing Expectations

Parenting is hard. For everyone. No matter what people say or how perky their instagram feed is, parenting is hard.

Go easy on one another. Know that you will both make mistakes. You will both have bad days. Your children will have bad days.

Keep the things that work. Work together to fix the things that don’t. Adapt together to the every changing whirlwind that is raising two little ones.

No two days or weeks are the same so you need to change too, together.

Subscribe Below to Get Weekly Posts